“I am haunted by waters,” Norman Maclean wrote in A River Runs Through It. Although humans are a creative, forward-looking species we rely heavily on past experiences, whether on the water or in the woods (or elsewhere), to help guide us through the challenges of an uncertain future. Hence, we are all haunted by waters, woods, or other memories of significant life experiences.

Some of my most enduring (and haunting) memories revolve around the outdoors and hunting. November encompasses both fall hunting and Thanksgiving, a time to remember and reflect on what we’re thankful for despite what appears to be significant challenges ahead for all of us who care about protecting and perpetuating our “wild public lands, waters, and wildlife.”[1] Reflecting back on 2024, it has been a good year overall.[2]

For starters, during April and May I hunted mountain Merriam’s turkeys in southwest Colorado’s San Juan National Forest.[3] Then, in late September, I was chasing ruffed grouse in northern Minnesota’s Chippewa National Forest.[4] During October I was back in the San Juan Mountains hunting elk.[5] Which was followed by a return to Minnesota’s Chippewa National Forest for whitetail deer hunting during November.[6]

All these experiences serve to remind me that the essence of hunting is about taking responsibility for some of our own meat and acknowledging that life and death are bound together in an ageless, endless cycle. Cutting out the middleman (i.e., grocery store/restaurant) forces us to face the reality that life feeds on death, an emotional conundrum we will all experience for ourselves sooner or later, one way or another.

“Hunters are also more likely to accept their own passing as part of the natural cycle (of life and death), which they experience first-hand while hunting,” I wrote in a Fall 2000 Whitetales story (“Death of a Deer Hunter”). “To paraphrase Minnesota writer/photographer Jim Brandenburg: ‘All meat is grass,’ the old saying goes. The prey eat the grass. The carnivores (including humans) eat the prey, and when the predators die, they become grass. And a million other things.”[7]

“Nature is a cycle in which all things are really everything else,” I added. “The most dramatic part of this cycle, the death of an animal occurs frequently, whether we are aware of it nor not and whether we like it or not. Death feeds life in a cycle of renewal that is necessary, though sometimes hard for modern humans to accept.”[8] My friend David “Elkheart” Petersen (a former U.S. Marine Corps helicopter pilot) expresses similar sentiments in his many books and other writings on hunting, ethics, and conservation.[9]

“The bull elk … Taking one of these grand beasts each autumn, killing quick and clean—to bring his great strength into my body and his crown into my home, to keep his fierce wildness alive in my heart—this is meant to be. Must be,” David wrote in A Man Made of Elk. “This food of life is death, nor is it all one way: my day will come.”[10]

Ghost Bulls

In a January 2023 Backcountry Hunters & Anglers (BHA) Blog post (“The Ghost Bulls of Colorado”) I included some observations about shooting an elk (on October 31^st, 2022) in southwest Colorado’s high and wild San Juan Mountains. This still wild swath of country, nearly 90 miles long and 50 miles wide, contains 1.3 million acres of designated wilderness and roadless areas.[11] I’ve shot all my elk here, a place where as recently as 1979 at least one grizzly bear still roamed.[12]

“After killing this bull on Halloween—and starting my 55th trip around the sun on December 21st—thoughts of life and death (and remorse) occasionally seep into thoughts and dreams,” I confessed. “Taking the life of such a large, magnificent animal can change you. Looking into its lifeless eyes sticks with you. One can only image the battlefield horrors our combat veterans endure, haunted by memories they can’t forget.”[13]

And over the counter (OTC) unit elk hunting in Colorado may be among the most difficult hunts in the country due to no limits on tags sold to both resident and non-resident hunters. During eighteen years of hunting southwest Colorado OTC units I’ve put six bulls in the freezer for a kill rate of 33%, which compares to 16% for all manners of take during the 2023 Colorado elk hunting season.[14]

In other words, if you hunted in Colorado for six seasons in a row and killed one bull you would be on par with the average.[15] Also keep in mind that even accomplished elk hunters like Randy Newberg have struggled putting elk in the freezer.[16] “I live in a great place for elk and hunted my first six years without firing a gun at an elk,” Randy said.[17] Below are excerpts from six Blog posts/stories about the six bulls I’ve put in the freezer.

Elk #1 (10/18/11). “My first shot slowed the bull down, but you don’t stop shooting while an elk still has its feet,” I wrote in a Colorado Outdoors Blog post (“Hunting With A Man Made of Elk”). “It took a couple more to finish the job, and then silence, accompanied by the ‘storm of conflicting emotions’ Edward Abby described as being at the heart of the hunt. David and I patiently waited for several minutes before heading over to the downed bull. As we approached, David gave the elk a gentle poke. Nothing. Its eye had already glassed over. Dead.”[18]

Elk #2 (10/21/13). “After approaching the dead bull, I kneel down beside him, lay my arm across his broad shoulder and give thanks for the wild and free life he lived right up to his last breath,” I recalled in a Colorado Outdoors Blog post (“6x6 Karma”). “And I realize his life will now live on through my life, and I must not dishonor his death. Life from death—it’s how the world works, like it or not, and honoring the lives we take is a vital part of the process.”[19]

Elk #3 (10/23/14). “Finally, the bull moved into the clear. One quick, deep breath (‘steady,’ I whispered) and the morning calm was momentarily shattered by thundering hooves along with the death bellow of a 6×6 bull, but it was over in seconds,” I explained in this Colorado Outdoors Blog post (“Elk Hunting & the ‘Sixth Sense’”).[20]

“Millions of years of direct contact with wilderness and hunting-gathering are hard-baked into our genes, and a mere 10,000 years of existing mostly in cities and civilizations has not changed our basic genetic makeup,” I added. “A few days of hunting (sitting, listening, waiting and watching) can bring latent skills and senses back to the forefront of our daily lives, keeping vital instincts alive and, sometimes, putting meat in the freezer.”[21]

Elk #4 (10/27/20). “On the morning of October 27, 2020, several inches of fresh snow revealed that elk were in the vicinity. It was cold, clear, and quiet as I climbed higher, out of the dark timber, scanning the mountainside for elk while stalking slowly along a series of aspen groves,” I wrote in this BHA Blog post (“Colorado Elk Hunting: Right Place, Right Time”).[22]

“Later (at 9:30 a.m.), the sound of a hoof or antler hitting a branch focused my attention up-slope, where a bull appeared some 200 yards away moving down-slope at a quick trot,” I recalled. “One shot and he disappeared from view. After a few minutes I moved cautiously forward prepared for a follow-up shot, but the bull was lying motionless. A wave of conflicting emotions often accompanies taking the life of such a large, grand animal, not to mention comprehending the weight, literally, of the enormous task ahead.”[23]

Elk #5 (10/31/22). “On the morning of day three a bull appeared silently, seemingly out of nowhere. A mere 200 feet (or so) away, partially obscured by trees and brush, I impatiently waited a second or two (that seemed an eternity) for him to move into a better position, then three shots rang out in quick succession,” I explained in this BHA Blog post (“Colorado Over The Counter (OTC) Unit Elk Hunting”). “The first two hit him without a noticeable reaction (lung shots), although he was living on borrowed time. Next, he ran towards me, providing a broadside shot opportunity at about 50 feet.”[24]

“Although this bull made a mad dash exiting the area, within a minute or two he took what sounded like his final, labored breaths. After twenty minutes I started tracking and five minutes later found him, deceased,” I added. “Approaching a downed bull is always (for me) an emotional, if not overwhelming, experience. The sheer size/bulk and wild beauty of an adult elk makes it abundantly clear that you have taken the life of an amazing animal and the hardest part of your hunt is about to begin.”[25]

Elk #6 (10/28/24). “Monday (October 28) morning I encountered several cows with a 6x6 bull at about 75 yards approximately two miles from camp,” I wrote in this BHA Blog post (“6x6 Karma: The Bear Facts”). “During the next three days (Oct. 29-30) I spent some 14 hours and covered 16 miles (between 9,750 ft – 10,470 ft) shuttling the quarters and head (total weight = 226 lbs; meat and bone = 186 lbs) back to camp.”[26]

Hard And Messy

Teo Biele hunts elk in in New Mexico’s Gila National Forest. “Being in the woods lets you sink into the quiet and real life,” he explained. Teo said elk hunting is his annual reboot, Aaron Gulley wrote in a January/February 2017 Bicycling story about Biele. “Hunting, for me, is about melding with the environment, not struggling against it. It’s my refuge, my relief,” Teo said. And relative to factory-farmed meat, wild game has a light footprint, with no costs for supplemental feed, antibiotics to treat sickness, or habitat destruction.[27]

When Teo started hunting he resolved that he’d do it ethically. “I felt strongly that if you are going to eat meat, you should know what that means.” That’s what drew him to bow hunting. Whereas a rifle allows a hunter to shoot an animal from 300 yards and beyond, a bow demands closer proximity, usually no more than 30 or 40 yards, which means it takes more effort just to get in range. “You have to get up close to these huge, powerful animals,” Teo says, “and that forces you to engage and honor the life you’re taking.”[28]

The flip side is that arrows, because they travel more slowly and usually inflict less trauma than bullets, can be less effective. Teo practices on a bag every day in the months leading up to a hunt, and he shoots only if the animal is well within his range and he has a completely clean shot. “The only redeeming thing about an experience like this is it makes you appreciate what you eat,” he says. “It isn’t easy. Meat doesn’t come from the grocery store in neat packets. It’s hard. Killing is hard and messy.”[29]

It’s day 12 of his 15-day hunt and, without warning, a few cow elk filter over the horizon and down the hillside, followed by a bull. The elk are feeding, moving across his path to the south. A sizable bull crosses the drainage, but he’s behind thick cover. Then comes a second bull, broadside at 28 yards. “Teo breathes, draws, releases. The arrow strikes like a slap,” Gulley explained. “The bull spasms as if electrified, takes a step, and collapses. It’s over. The herd sifts off to the west.”[30]

Teo approaches the animal and sits down next to it with his hand on the sweaty haunch. “People talk about men’s retreats and getting in touch with your feelings,” he says later. “I’d rather go hunting. This is my church.” The thrill of success will eventually subside and be replaced with the melancholy of leaving the wilderness. “There are times you come home from a hunt and weep because your existence is so flat and incongruent with life out here,” Teo adds.[31]

Going hunting is going home for many of us. It’s where we reconnect with our hunter-gatherer past, our inner selves, and receive the bountiful benefits of natural psychotherapy that no modern doctor or counseling session can provide. And like Teo demonstrates so well, we (should) endeavor to treat all animals (predator and prey) with reverence, respect, and honor.

Robert Bullard—widely considered the father of environmental justice—said, “When you don’t protect the least in your society, you place everybody at risk.” Now a distinguished professor at Texas Southern University, Bullard succinctly captured the essence of conservation: All living beings are dependent on each other.[32] In the same vein, BHA upholds high ethical hunting standards and conservation values.[33]

Engage And Honor

“We must ensure that the ethical pursuit of fish and game is upheld as dearly as our own obligation to morality and citizenship,” BHA explains in its fair chase statement.[34] As Jim Posewitz wrote in Beyond Fair Chase, “The ethics of hunting deteriorate as machinery and modern technology are substituted for hunter stamina, skill, knowledge, and patience.”[35] Conservation derives from the Latin conservare, meaning “to keep guard.”[36] As America’s first conservationists, hunters have a century-old tradition of protecting habitat and policing our own ranks.[37]

“As the world evolves around us, acceptance of hunting by the general public is on the decline, and the sanctity of landscapes that support healthy wildlife populations are under increasing threat,” BHA President & CEO Patrick Berry wrote in the Fall 2024 Backcountry Journal.[38] In a November 2024 Facebook post (“A good year with significant challenges ahead”) I added, “We don’t back down, we double down!”[39]

We are here, first and foremost, to protect habitat wherever, whenever, and however we can. Again, in the words of Patrick Berry, “As our primary focus, Backcountry Hunters & Anglers stands guard as the watchdog for our wild public lands, waters, and wildlife.”[40] And we will continue to do so despite the formidable but misguided forces arrayed against us with the myopic goal of, ultimately, turning our great public lands estate over to, first, states, and then private interests.[41]

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it,” Norman Maclean wrote in A River Runs Through It. A single word tweak to this seminal sentence (“and an elk runs through it”) transforms it into a hunting totem. Taking the life of such a grand animal—so full of life and, as a result, hard to kill—can trigger a metaphorical quiver full of conflicting emotions and psychological soul-searching. But it’s the ones that were wounded and got away that haunt me most.

One bull due to a hurried first shot combined with a jammed bolt on the follow-up shot attempt and another one that dropped on the first shot but while I was distracted and closing the distance, mistakenly thinking he was down for good, regained his feet and made a hasty exit. Before disappearing into the shadowy timber he hesitated for a brief second, looking back at his surprised pursuer. Our eyes met and a haunting image was burned into my brain. “This one is gonna stick with me,” I whispered.

And so it has. Despite hours of subsequent tracking, searching, and brooding disbelief neither bull was recovered. Although I take some solace in knowing that nothing goes to waste in the woods, inflicting unnecessary suffering on any animal is simply unacceptable. I am perpetually bothered by these failures but also vow to learn from my mistakes.

The Colorado Outdoors Blog post (“Hunting With A Man Made of Elk”) written after my first elk kill includes this quote from William Faulkner: “I slew you; my bearing must not shame your quitting life. My conduct forever onward must become your death.” Like Norman Maclean, I am haunted by waters, woods, and many other memories.

David Lien is co-chair of the Colorado BHA chapter, a former Air Force missile launch officer, and author.[42] In 2014 he was recognized by Field & Stream as a “Hero of Conservation.”[43] During 2019 he was the recipient of BHA’s Mike Beagle-Chairman’s Award “for outstanding effort on behalf of Backcountry Hunters & Anglers.”[44]

Additional/Related Resources

-David A. Lien. Facebook post (11/29/24). “A good year with significant challenges ahead: ‘We don’t back down, we double down.’” https://www.facebook.com/reel/396419420219118

-David A. Lien. “Project 2025 proponents underestimate our resolve: Manifesto for new administration is taking aim at our public lands.” Colorado Newsline: 11/24/24.

-Kaden McArthur. “What Project 2025 Means for Public Lands and Waters.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 7/15/24.

-Randy Newberg and TRCP. “Scrubbing out public land transfer myths.” TRCP: 6/11/16.

-To Take Action Visit: https://www.utahisnotforsale.org/take_action

-To learn more visit UtahIsNotForSale.org

Elk Hunt Blog Posts/Stories & Related Information

-Elk #1 (2011): “Hunting With A Man Made of Elk.” Colorado Outdoors: 1/23/14.

-Elk #2 (2013): “6x6 Karma.” Colorado Outdoors: 9/12/14.

-Elk #3 (2014): “Elk Hunting & the ‘Sixth Sense.’” Colorado Outdoors: 11/26/14.

-Elk #4 (2020): “Colorado Elk Hunting: Right Place, Right Time.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 9/23/21.

-Elk #5 (2022): “Colorado Over The Counter (OTC) Unit Elk Hunting.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/14/22.

-Elk #6 (2024): “6x6 Karma: The Bear Facts.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/12/24.

-David A. Lien. “Trails (Motorized & Mechanized) Impacts On Public Lands Habitat.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/25/24.

-David A. Lien. “Hunting Ethically Is Good, Hard Work.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 5/1/23.

-David A. Lien. “The Ghost Bulls of Colorado.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 1/18/23.

-David A. Lien. “Hunting ethics & fair chase.” Colorado Outdoors: 6/30/14.

Bad Ideas

-Patrick Berry, Backcountry Hunters & Anglers President and CEO. “The Great Betrayal: America’s Public Lands Legacy is Under Siege.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/19/24.

-Ryan Callaghan, Backcountry Hunters & Anglers Board Chairman. “A Public Land Virus We Can’t Seem to Shake.” MeatEater: 11/7/24.

-Outdoor News (11/22/24). On Episode 515 of Outdoor News Radio, tune in to hear Backcountry Hunters & Anglers (BHA) CEO, Patrick Berry, dive into a critical issue: Utah’s lawsuit and its potential nationwide impact on public lands. #UtahIsNotForSale

-Thomas Plank. “Elected Officials in 15 States Oppose Public Lands, Condemned by Grassroots Network of Hunters and Anglers.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/4/24.

-Joel Webster. “TRCP Opposes the Blanket Sale or Transfer of Federal Land to States.” TRCP: 10/31/24.

-David A. Lien. “Local View: Project 2025 puts public lands, democracy in peril.” Duluth News Tribune: 8/7/24.

-David A. Lien. “Project 2025 puts public lands in peril: Plan for a second Trump administration threatens wildlife habitat in Colorado.” Colorado Newsline: 8/2/24.

-A September 2024 Newsweek story (“Project 2025’s Unpopularity Continues to Grow”) references a NBC News poll that shows “57 percent of voters view Project 2025 as unfavorable, with only 4 percent seeing it as favorable.”[45]

-Kaden McArthur. “House Committee Considers Legislation to Undermine the Antiquities Act.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 3/22/24.

-David A. Lien “Selling off our public lands is a bad idea that won’t die.” VailDaily: 1/29/23.

-Trout Unlimited (9/23/26). “Birthright | A public lands story.”

-Randy Newberg and TRCP. “Scrubbing out public land transfer myths.” TRCP: 6/11/16.

-For more about the ongoing efforts by some legislators in Congress (and others) to privatize our public lands estate see the “Bad Ideas” section in this 2023 BHA Blog: “A Hunter-Angler (Hell-Raisin’ & Habitat Savin’) Guide To Winning: Colorado BHA Examples (Browns Canyon & Camp Hale).” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 10/23/23.

Upcoming BHA/AFI Events

-Upcoming BHA Armed Forces Initiative (AFI) Events.

https://www.backcountryhunters.org/events_afi

-Upcoming CO BHA Events: https://www.backcountryhunters.org/co_upcoming_events

 Founded by Mike Beagle, a former U.S. Army field artillery officer, and formed around an Oregon campfire, in 2004, Backcountry Hunters & Anglers is the voice for our nation’s wild public lands, waters and wildlife. With members spread out across all 50 states and 13 Canadian provinces and territories—including chapters in 49 states, two Canadian provinces and one territory, and Washington, D.C.—BHA brings an authentic, informed, boots-on-the-ground voice to the conservation of public lands. The Colorado BHA chapter was founded by David “Elkheart” Petersen (a former U.S. Marine Corps helicopter pilot) in 2005 (the first official BHA chapter)[46]

[1] David A. Lien. “Project 2025 proponents underestimate our resolve: Manifesto for new administration is taking aim at our public lands.” Colorado Newsline: 11/24/24.

[2] David A. Line. Facebook post (11/29/24). “A good year with significant challenges ahead: ‘We don’t back down, we double down.’” https://www.facebook.com/reel/396419420219118.

[3] David A. Lien. “Hunting Colorado’s Mountain Merriam’s (With The Colonel & The Fox) and Struttin’ & Cluckin’ at Rendezvous.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 5/28/24.

[4] David A. Lien. “Sulfide Mining Destroys Watersheds.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 10/15/24; David A. Lien. “Local View: Project 2025 is taking aim at our public lands.” Duluth News Tribune: 11/13/24.

[5] David A. Lien. “6x6 Karma: The Bear Facts.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/12/24.

[6] David A. Lien. “Northern Minnesota Deer Hunting: Hard Winters and Sage Advice.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 12/4/23.

[7] David A. Lien. “Death of a Deer Hunter.” Whitetales: Fall 2000.

[8] Ibid.

[9] David A. Lien. “The Patron Saints of Backcountry Hunters & Anglers.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 3/12/24.

[10] David Petersen. A Man Made of Elk. Eagle, Idaho: TBM, Inc., 2007, p. 59; https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B000AP84A8

[11] Gregory McNamee. “All They Need Is Wolves.” Sierra: May/June 2003, p. 34.

[12] David Petersen. Ghost Grizzlies: Does the Great Bear Still Haunt Colorado? Boulder, Colorado: Johnson Books, 1998.

[13] David A. Lien. “The Ghost Bulls of Colorado.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 1/18/23.

[14] David A. Lien. “6x6 Karma: The Bear Facts.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/12/24.

[15] Ibid.

[16] https://randynewberg.com/

[17] Rob Drieslein. “A quick chat with Randy Newberg.” Outdoor News: 8/2/19, p. 7.

[18] David A. Lien. “Hunting With A Man Made of Elk.” Colorado Outdoors: 1/23/14.

[19] David A. Lien. “6x6 Karma.” Colorado Outdoors: 9/12/14.

[20] David A. Lien. “Elk Hunting & the ‘Sixth Sense.’” Colorado Outdoors: 11/26/14.

[21] Ibid.

[22] David A. Lien. “Colorado Elk Hunting: Right Place, Right Time.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 9/23/21.

[23] Ibid.

[24] David A. Lien. “Colorado Over The Counter (OTC) Unit Elk Hunting.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/14/22.

[25] Ibid.

[26] David A. Lien. “6x6 Karma: The Bear Facts.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/12/24.

[27] Aaron Gulley. “This Massage Therapist Hunts by Bike With His Pet Poodle. Really.” Bicycling: January/February 2017.

[28] Ibid.

[29] Ibid.

[30] Ibid.

[31] Ibid.

[32] Lisa Moore, Editorial Director. “Our Inextricable Bonds.” National Wildlife: October-November 2021, p. 4.

[33] David A. Lien. “Hunting ethics & fair chase.” Colorado Outdoors: 6/30/14.

[34] https://www.backcountryhunters.org/fair_chase

[35] Jim Posewitz. Beyond Fair Chase. Helena, Montana: Falcon Publishing, Inc., 1994, p. 40.

[36] David A. Lien. “Project 2025 proponents underestimate our resolve: Manifesto for new administration is taking aim at our public lands.” Colorado Newsline: 11/24/24.

[37] David Lien quoted in/by: Dennis Anderson. “Opinions vary on using drones for hunting.” Minneapolis-St. Paul (Minn.) StarTribune: 3/17/14.

[38] Patrick Berry, BHA President & CEO. “Building a Community.” Backcountry Journal: Fall 2024, p. 3.

[39] David A. Lien. Facebook post (11/29/24). “A good year with significant challenges ahead: ‘We don’t back down, we double down.’” https://www.facebook.com/reel/396419420219118

[40] Patrick Berry, BHA President & CEO. “Building a Community.” Backcountry Journal: Fall 2024, p. 3.

[41] David A. Lien. “Project 2025 is coming for our public lands: Trump ally William Perry Pendley is a dire threat to our hunting and angling heritage.” Colorado Newsline: 7/9/24; David A. Lien. “Project 2025 puts public lands in peril: Plan for a second Trump administration threatens wildlife habitat in Colorado.” Colorado Newsline: 8/2/24.

[42] David A. Lien. “A Higher Calling.” Association of Air Force Missileers (AAFM) Newsletter: March 2011, p. 4.

[43] Editors. “Heroes of Conservation: Safeguarding Winter Elk Range.” Field & Stream: July 2014, p. 29.

[44] https://www.backcountryhunters.org/co_bha_award_winners

[45] Natalie Venegas. “Project 2025's Unpopularity Continues to Grow: New Poll.” Newsweek: 9/22/24.

[46] David A. Lien. “Where Hope Lives: A Brief BHA History.” Backcountry Hunters & Anglers: 11/30/20.